People need to get down and kiss Jason Lezak's ass. Or his biceps. Whatever works for you.

ANYROAD. So. Yeah. I wrote this, but it was totally a group effort of OMG!Look. To that end I would like to thank (in alphabetical order): alethialia, amberlynne, lyra_sena, them0rgue, serialkarma, sparky77 and thorne_scratch. Going to hell is a group activity.


Olympics RPS
Michael Phelps/Ryan Lochte, Michael/Ian Thorpe & Michael/Ian Crocker
Rated NC17 Crack!
Disclaimer: If I'm going to hell, I'm pulling out all the stops.

The Golden Rule ('When Zeus Met a Dolphin' Playlist)


( He who has the gold makes the rules. )

Dear Generation Kill,

You are the best thing fucking EVER. Hands down. Seriously. Nate. Ray. Pope. Garza. Walt. Brad. Doc. Rudy. You are the bomb shit. Unfortunately I am not allowed to watch you with other people anymore because I keep shrieking 'Fuckin' A!' and discussing Captain America's castration in glorious detail. Apparently this is disconcerting.

<3
Me

Dear Simon Clellan Jones,

I know some people aren't feeling the episodes you directed ('A Burning Dog' and 'Stay Frosty') but I say FUCK THAT NOISE. I thought 'Burning Dog' was my favorite episode thus far, but 'Stay Frosty' just blew that shit out of the water. ( Spoilering babbling here )


<3
Me

Dear Generation Kill Freaks,

I know you've all read Evan's book, but I cannot recommend Nate's book (One Bullet Away) highly enough. I have GK on my writing table, waiting to be read, but I'm reading Nate's first off of silviakundera's advice that it would give me a better background of where everyone's coming from, and seriously? It's like I just got the key to a fucking cryptogram. I have learned in a whole new language. In the first 80 pages of Nate's book I've figured out more about GK than I ever would by reading GK alone. Also? I know the real Nate Fick is a conservative Republican, but I would totally hit that shit based on this book.

<3
Me


What am I supposed to do now that swimming is over? Oh noes! Where the fuck is the rowing? Why are they doing me like this? Wow. How hot is Guo JingJing?

1. I dropped a plate this afternoon. In fact, I saw it happening right before it happened. The shattered pieces mostly congregated in the same place on the floor -- except for the piece that jumped up 5'6 inches to land on my lip. Yeah, I dunno either. I really thought it was going to end with stitches, but no, just a slight scratch. It's been that sort of week.

2 & 3 ( Some spoilery swimming observations that obviously couldn't wait until I had slept first. It's a Gay Conspiracy, yo. )

4. I was sort of trying to avoid evade hide from that Michael Phelps/Ryan Lochte slash, but then thorn_scratch was all look at the gay! They do photo shoots of lust and interviews and whatnot! I shall prevail. Oh, who am I kidding?

5. I have to say, I had no idea that Water Polo was so damn violent. Every time I try to surf by though, somebody's choking somebody else or somebody looks like they just came out of a night of Fight Club. Damn, people.

6. Dear Psych,

You are so much more awesome this season than you were last season. It's like somebody put the show in a Fast Skin suit and said, "Thou Shalt Be as Gay as the Olympic Male Swimmers!"

And lo, it was all good.

It's not really possible to explain exactly how whipped I have been by the Olympics, but I will try:

a) Yesterday, I wrote French swimmer slash, because well, hotass.

b) While discussing said hotass, oconel produced this picture of Amaury Leveaux to which my entire thought was Wow. The French are more than welcome to talk smack when they look like this. And also? Someone needs to lick his back during sex. And if it can't be me, then he needs a man so I can write about this. Find him a man and I will write this story. Alain Bernard is 6'5. Just a thought.

c) NBC is playing along. Identify the male swimmer by his stomach. I shit you not.

c) In the morning I watch Jon and Stephen, it has pretty much always been this way. This week I have been channel surfing away from Jon and Stephen with alarming regularity because OMG! What if I miss swimming hotass? This aberration cannot be understated.

d) Last night, during the men's heats, the NBC commentators said, "[Their] coaches say that Ryan Lochte is the best thing to ever happen to Michael Phelps." And then they went on to talk about how Ryan helps Michael be more relaxed and I was like yeah, that's a sex shoutie right there.

In fact, this made my gaydar ping so hard I was momentarily deaf, but I said, No! I have written my Olympics slash. And then sparky77 sent me The World According to Lochte which has bling grills! Skateboarding! Drawing rain falling upwards! Dressing like John Travolta! and I realized I can not fight this.

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte are totally having sex. And getting stoned. Probably in that order too.

ETA: And because nobody is more awesome than rowers: let's spread the homoeroticism around, hey?

ETA #2: I think Keith Olbermann said it best, "There are only two times of day: when Michael Phelps is preparing to race, and when Michael Phelps is racing."

See this? That's your set up.

For jenna_thorn and amberlynne, who put a name with a body. A really hot body.

Olympics RPS
Sebastien Bodet/Clement Lefert, NC17
Does this really need a crack! disclaimer?

Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?


( It's swimming porn; let's not pretend otherwise. )

It is International Left Handers Day. Represent lefties! Both Marilyn Monroe and Napoleon were lefties. Hell, so is Brangelina. But we can't have everything.

Speaking of representing, the French may have talked a lot of 4X100 smack, but at no point would I begrudge them anything if they continue to show their swimmers stripping each other in front of God and Country. Liberte! Egalite! Nudite! (Yes, this photo is safe for work, you just won't feel like it is).

I'm sure the conversation went something like this:

Lefert: You are wet, here let me help you
Teammate: Yes, I'm wet. I just swam a relay.
Lefert: Yes, but you are wet. You need to get undressed.
Teammate: In front of all these people?
Lefert: Here, the heat from my gaze will keep you warm
Teammate: Wait, too warm! Too warm!
Lefert: We can haz sex nao?
Teammate: Yes. No. Yes. I am so fucking tired. I just swam a relay
Lefert: Which is why you should get naked. Now.
Teammate: Well, if you insist.

Apparently it takes 30 minutes to put the LZR suit on, so I suppose any shortcuts are more than welcome. AND. 10 brownie points to whomever can tell me the name of the man being stripped. AND. I will write you post relay comfort porn in the showers. You know, if that's your thing.


ETA: If you are interested in Generation Kill, but do not currently posess the means of seeing it, it might behoove you to join the generation_kill community where they might be able to assist you. (Yes, I use words like behoove. What?)

I was visiting a very good friend of mine recently, and found myself, in the wee hours of the morning, drunkenly lecturing about the awesome of Generation Kill. Yeah, I know.

Generation Kill
Colbert/Fick, Rudy/Pappy
Rated NC17
Spoilers specific for 1.05 'A Burning Dog'

Boys Are Dying Tonight From This Kind of Thing



( I dreamt I wasn't in Iraq. )

I have been completely taken over by the Olympics and Generation Kill. No, seriously. My entire schedule revolves around 'Olympics! I must haz them now!' and then they're airing everything I want to see when I'm supposed to be asleep and this would be awesome if I were kept woman (I'm looking at you, Ryan Gosling), but since I have rent to pay, err, not so good. But I can't help myself! Rowing! Swimming! Synchronized diving in Speedo! Gymnastics! Archery! Equestrian! More rowing! I need an icon that says, ODing on the Olympics.

And how do I know the Olympics have eaten my head? Well, I'm currently desperate to rewatch the first five episodes of my current hotass fling, Generation Kill, but to do that I have to stop watching the Olympics for longer than 30 minutes and that just doesn't seem possible. What if I miss some perfectly obscure sport that I would never ever watch otherwise? Water polo, I'm looking at you. Actually, just watching water polo makes me crazy tired. Riflery, I don't even know. When else would I watch weightlifting?

Now, Generation Kill, on the other hand, well, I can take the hint people, I have bought the book (used)*, so you can stop cutting and pasting whole sections to press the case for your favorite pairing. I agree, Rudy & Pappy are the new baby OTP, and yes, there is a strong case for Brad/Ray, but I can't see them doing anything sexual, I think they are the married couple that are together for the companionship.

*Unfortunately it turns out my used copy is an original printing which means no 2007 afterword about where they are now, which will thusly require about 30 minutes at Borders once I am done with this version of the book.

p.p.s Did y'all know that Nate wrote a book? I did not know this. Love Nate. Okay, correction, love Stark Sands as Nate. I know where my real loyalties lie. I understand some people saying Marine RPS? You've totally done it now, but I very clearly understand that my fascination with GK has to do with the actors playing real people and their characterizations there of, not the people themselves. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the real men of the First Recon. So, my stories? ALL FICTION (except for those bits that just happen to be true). It's like when I write George. I do not know George, I do not pretend to know a damn thing about George (except all the links that I'm sent), but my fascination is with the characterization I've made of him. So, the real Nate Fick has had a society wedding and various other things, the Nate Fick in my head will retire one day and get a house on the water in Hermosa Beach so Brad can go racing his motorcycles all the time.

And now, if you'll excuse me I am off to write in my fake world. Or possibly wonder how to get Michael Phelps and his size 17 feet into some fictional universe that I like. Hey man, you've gotta know your line.

Also, is the entire Brazilian volleyball team sleeping together? Inquiring minds think so.

Attention pollsters: I posted your Bruce/Harvey pron on Friday. Yeah, I told you I'd do it: Dark Knight, NC-17, Now the Old King is Dead, Long Live the King.

Last week, I also posted my first (of what's looking to be a few) Generation Kill story I Donated Myself to the Mexican Army. Seriously. There aren't words to describe my love of this series, but I will tell you that I took mental notes last night! Notes, motherfuckers! I haven't done that since Heroes! And the little character vignettes! Have you lot watched them? It's like learning a whole other language! Ray! Brad! Nate! (thanks naanima) FYI, last night's episode, 'A Burning Dog,' was my favorite so far, seriously. I was that far gone.

I seem to be Olympics crazy. Dear Michael Phelps with your size 17 feet. Plz to continue with the hotass talent. Thx.

Psych
Shawn/Gus
Rated PG


The Magic Pineapple of Truth


( You're like the 18% tip for parties of 6 or more; it's just assumed that you're included. )

It took me like six or seven tries to make this happen. At one point I was just going to toss in the towel, and then lo, the voices spoke to me.

Don't ever say I never gave you anything.


The Dark Knight
Bruce Wayne/Harvey Dent,
Rated NC-17

Now the Old King is Dead, Long Live the King

( It's not a smile, it's a predatory declaration of intent. )

1. Dear Most Magnanimous Flist,

I know I've been talking about Generation Kill a lot, and if you don’t want to watch it, I understand [woe!] but I am asking you to please visit the Generation Kill website and click on the upper right hand link for TROOP DRIVE. HBO is willing to donate various needed items to the troops (magazines, health aids, books, phone cards), but they want you to help. All you have to do is click on what you want to donate and HBO will donate it in your name. It costs you nothing. They are even going to match it.. All you have to do is fill out your name and e-mail. You don't have to agree with the war to support the troops; this isn't about that at all. Please. Do it for them.

Thank you. Seriously
<3 Me.


2. ( On last night's Burn Notice. Obviously spoilerific )

3. In the TRUFAX category, the People magazine with the golden twins on the cover, also features a picture of Shiloh and Bradey and the twins. In said photo, Shiloh is wearing a white tee shirt that says GEORGE in big, black block letters.

No, I couldn't have made that up even if I tried.

4. I want to write something desperately, but once again I am being cockblocked by work.

I've got new fandoms to try out and rusty porn kinks to work through. Bear with me here.


Generation Kill
Brad Colbert/Nathan Fick
Rated GH for Going to Hell
Please note that this is all fiction all the time. No harm or offense intended.

I Donated Myself to the Mexican Army

( Do I need to check you for pussy, sir? )

Does anybody have the Cast Soundtrack for Wicked the Musical? I am also in the market for any Akron and the Family you might have (I only have a few singles: I'll be on the Water, Ed is a Portal and Afford).

Also, the new Verve album (now there are a couple of words I never thought I'd be able to type), Fourth is coming out on 26th August. If anybody might be able to help a sister out, well, I would be most appreciative.

Yes, I know, still no porn. Well, I've not written porn at ALL this year, so I have to work up to it. We'll get there. You'll like the trip.

I also have two fic recs:

Psych, Gus/Shawn, Interventions and Other Ploys by manicjoy, because there is never enough Shawn/Gus in the world, let along quality Shawn/Gus, and this has perfect delivery of what makes them an OTP.

Generation Kill, Fick/Colbert, POV by Beecher, err, Wright. Cats & Dogs by suaine, because I like Generation Kill, like a LOT, and Nathan and Brad deserve to be happy in some time line somewhere.

So, the other day I had this poll where I asked if you lot would rather see Bruce/Harvey Dark Knight porn or Nathan/Brad Generation Kill porn. I knew beforehand what the majority were probably going to say, but I was shocked, shocked that more of you aren't on the Generation Kill train. And I thought to myself, "Self, what we really need here is an example of The Pretty to get the fanpeople in line, because there are boys, sweaty, foul-mouthed boys living together in the desert and nobody seems to care! And it's written by David Simon!"

So, for the unitiated let me break it down. Generation Kill is a seven-part HBO miniseries about a Marine Recon division in Iraq at the beginning of the invasion, based on a book by Evan Wright. Real reople, real shit, maybe marginally tweaked for TV. See. That's the basics.

( Generation Kill: This battalion is trained to swim or parachute behind enemy lines, not to drive into attacks in Humvees. Their motto is 'Swift Silent Deadly' Also? Massive Pic Spam. SO not dial-up friendly. )

Poll #1235142 Inquiring minds want to know
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

I have enough pron for one story (prolly). Which of these should be more pressing?

If I write the Generation Kill, I am also going to need someone who knows more about military jargon that I do. Everything I know can be summed up by Band of Brothers, ROE and MRE

ETA: That should be Fick and not Fisk, but the 's' and the 'c' are clearly too close together.

1. Morgan Freeman was in a serious car accident last night. I'm hoping it turns out okay, but um, is the Batman project cursed? Seriously, y'all?

2. hackthis: Shiloh Jolie Pitt looks like a mini Katee Sackhoff.
serialkarma: oooh, maybe Katee's the real mother!
hackthis: That's just Cylon propaganda you're spouting now. OMG! Shiloh is the missing Cylon!
serialkarma: Well, that would totally explain a LOT.

3. Mad Men people, if you've ever asked yourself What Would Don Draper Do?, well now you know. Yes, I made an LJ feed.

4. Even Christian Bale thinks Bruce needs to get it on. Bruce/Harvey pron for the motherfucking win.

5. ( Letters to Mad Men, Burn Notice and Generation Kill. Cut for spoilers. )

Dear Mike Rowe:

Your hot never wanes. This is most impressive when you are shrieking about the sharks.

<3
Me

a) I saw the trailer for HP and the Half-Blood Prince. I won't lie, it looks good. HBP is my favorite book because it actually talks about Slytherins for a change. Biased what?

b) Wyatt Cenac continues to infringe on my Jon and Stephen love. Make it rain!

c) Unless you've been under a rock recently, you know that Shia got busted for DUI. I had to write about it. Really. I was biologically compelled.


Entourage/Real People Fiction (Except for those bits that are true).
Ari Gold/Robert Downey Jr., George Clooney, Shia LaBeouf
Rated Ari for language.
For anywherebeyond and sparky77

Beautiful Disasters

(  Only stupid people go to war unprepared, like the President  )

a) I posted what may be my favorite Iron Man story yesterday, Spies > Superheroes (Or Not), which is a Burn Notice/Iron Man/Alias x-over. Yes, you read that right. Embrace the wonder that is Michael Westen/Tony Stark (and Sark). Writing that story was pure love. And hotass.

b) Where are my Generation Kill people at? Come talk to me! I mean, seriously, David Simon, how do you do this shit? I know it's based off of the book, but talk about keeping it real! Holy cow. I mean I couldn't tell if you I liked it, but I damn well plan to keep watching it if only for Rudy. Who doesn't want to sleep with him? Oh, and they have a Colbert! (who is, FYI, Stellan Skarsgaard's kid, and looks WAYYYY hotter). Gayest, straight show ever. (spoilers in comments)

c) It is Batman times nao?

Yeah, um, *waves hands around vaguely* Happy Birthday antheia. Don’t say I never gave you anything.

Burn Notice/Iron Man/Alias
Michael Westen/Tony Stark; Michael/Tony/Julian Sark <-- Yes, you read that right.
Rated R


Spies > Superheroes (Or Not)


( I was an evil mastermind in my last job.  )

Like some of my battle-scarred fellows, I've been around fandom for a few years now. Not as many as some, not as few as others, but long enough to have respectable amount of fandom activity under my belt.

I'm already at the point where I find a good amount of the contents of any major bookstore lacking in character development, plot and good old-fashioned entertainment because fandom has spoiled me. (Thanks guys!) And yet, every now and then a story comes across my path that so far surpasses my (rather high) expectations of what fandom writers can do that I'm just sort of left with my jaw hanging.

I can think of three, maybe four, times in my fandom experience where I've read a story and been so floored, so jealous, so filled with all consuming awe that I really consider tossing the towel in and going off to study turtles in the Galapagos like I should've years ago.

Today, samdonne posted The Kids Aren't All Right, which on the surface is a multi-media Iron Man project that takes the form of a Vanity Fair article. When you look deeper, however, you can see the layers of time and effort and energy and sheer learning that such a piece takes and it's really and truly mind-blowing.

I cannot recommend this... experience enough. I don't care if you don't read Iron Man fic. I don't even care if you've never even seen the film (INFIDEL!). This will transcend all of that. Read it. You can thank me later.